<![CDATA[Sus Kongsbak Larsen - Blog]]>Thu, 10 Mar 2016 00:31:40 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[Freeing Yourself from Drama and Story - A Self-Loving Approach]]>Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:16:22 GMThttp://www.yourguidetopeace.com/blog1/freeing-yourself-from-drama-and-story-a-self-loving-approachPicture
How many times lately have you been reminded, ever so kindly by others, or perhaps less kindly by yourself, to let go of your drama or story?

I would like to offer a different perspective, a self-loving approach, and some steps for you to play with.

As quite an experienced story-weaver and from my work as a peace achievement specialist, my observation is that we create story and drama to protect ourselves from emotional pain. If we can acknowledge, accept and appreciate the gift and potential for freedom the story and drama bring, our creation of the story essentially can be considered an act of self-love.

Story and Drama have been given a bad rep. Since it is inevitable for most of us (if not all of us) to end up on stage acting out our own drama from time to time, why not take a positive step-by-step approach to freeing yourself from your tragedy?

Step 1. Celebrate Your Talent

Take a moment to celebrate your extraordinary talent and capacity as a story-weaver and dramatician. Laugh and say, "I congratulate myself for my amazing mastery in turning a mouse into an elephant and a small incident into a full-blown tragedy".

Step 2. Forgive Yourself

Remember to forgive yourself repeatedly. Beating ourselves up gets us stuck in guilt and shame, which are the pathway to lasting trauma. As we know, trauma can take lifetimes to disintegrate and heal. Forgiveness is the first step to setting yourself free.

Step 3. Accept the Gift

Accept the gift your story brings. You have created it not only to protect yourself but also as a way to become informed and aware. Studying your story, viewing your drama, are excellent ways to get to know yourself better.

Step 4. Assign Roles

Imagine there are two of you: Your Actor and your Spectator. Place your Actor on-stage or on the screen, ready for a captivating performance. Let your Spectator take a comfortable seat in the audience.

Step 5. Treat Yourself
to a Night at the Opera
Without judgment or critique, let your Spectator observe the drama unfold, and take note of your Actor's emotional actions and reactions as if you were watching an unfamiliar actor in an unfamiliar movie or play. Patiently let yourself fill up with information for in-the-moment or later review.

Step 6.
Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance and Self-Love
Gently lay out the scenes you have observed before you. Separate what is real in the story from what is fiction. Without judgment, filter the story until you reach a core awareness of your pain and of yourself. Embrace what comes up for you as being a part of your perfection. Allow yourself to take responsibility and lovingly include this part of you in what you already know to be you. Give it the attention it needs.
An example of this process could be:
"My story is that people are always taking advantage of me".
"I love to please people".
"Something in me craves acknowledgement".
"I fully and lovingly acknowledge all of myself".

Step 7. Take Your Freedom

Your welcoming this re-discovered part of yourself, your taking responsibility, and loving yourself will free you from the confines of your story.

Your Story has served, as stories always do. Releasing your story is equivalent to releasing a part of your very creation and missing an opportunity to rediscover your brilliant perfection. Instead, let your drama work for you. Let it help you get to know yourself and embrace all facets of the jewel that is you. The story and pain will lose their solidity, and no longer confine you.

Standing Ovation!

<![CDATA[Allowing Your Pain to Shift with the Tides]]>Mon, 25 Jul 2011 18:57:53 GMThttp://www.yourguidetopeace.com/blog1/allowing-your-pain-to-shift-with-the-tidesPicture
"Write your hurts in the sand. 
Carve your blessings in stone."
~ Unknown

I thought today's post was going to be about how I got here. How my dear brother's unexpected death a few weeks ago propelled me to finally launch this program that I have been sitting on for eight months.

I will save that story for a rainy day and instead celebrate the perfection in the fact that, with today's launch of my free program "Virtual Summer Cruise from Pain to Peace and Possibility", a dear member of our community should see this quote on a plaque at a friend's house and post it on Facebook.

These simple words offer such a powerful affirmation of our ability to shift from Pain to Peace and Possibility.

Hurts and Blessings alike are only as solid or fluid as we make them. We have the choice to receive and solidify the gifts that come to us - even from our pain - and let them propel us forward.

It is an crucial part of our transition to honor the pain we feel when we experience loss of any kind. The trick is to not get stuck in it and let it evolve into a chronic condition.

So how about just lightly scribing your pain in the sand, with an intention to let it shift with new tides?

And how about sticking around to see what gifts the new tide brings? Let them fossilize in your Beingness as a record of honoring yourself and thereby all of Creation. 

Eat the fruit that grows on your tree of grief and let the seeds sprout new growth within you, that you may fully step into your light and essence and live your purpose in every moment.

You may sign up for the two-week FREE 2011 Virtual Summer Cruise from Pain to Peace & Possibility anytime. We cast off at 7pm ET on July 25, 2011, and arrive back in port, refreshed and at Peace, on August 7, 2011

<![CDATA[Overcoming the Single Parent Holiday Blues]]>Sun, 24 Apr 2011 19:50:17 GMThttp://www.yourguidetopeace.com/blog1/overcoming-the-single-parent-holiday-bluesPicture
Overcoming the Single Parent Holiday Blues... 

Being without your children on holidays may be the most emotionally painful time a single parent can experience. If you have a parenting schedule in place, and you have agreed with your co-parent to celebrate holidays separately, childless holidays are unavoidable.

Holidays are typically characterized by tradition, rituals, family gatherings, and children with red cheeks, off from school, bursting with excitement and anticipation. Add to that your warm and fuzzy childhood holiday memories, and you have an emotionally loaded time.

So no wonder we feel lonely wthout our little ones on these days, - not to mention the guilt that may creep in for having disrupted their tradition and flow.

I would like to offer a little guidance on this topic and share a story with you to help shift your Pain to Peace this holiday.

First, when you and your co-parent develop your parenting agreement (or "custody and visitation order"), you may ask yourselves - and if you are on speaking terms - discuss the following questions:

- Have we covered everything? - Do yourselves and your children a favor and make sure that you have your important holidays scheduled, so your kids know what to expect, and to prevent unpleasant surprises just before the holidays because of unexpressed expectations.

- Can we comfortably continue to celebrate at least part of the holidays together?

- If we are not comfortable celebrating holidays together, how can we share time with our children with the least disruption for them, and the most comfort for ourselves, - and perhaps the rest of the family?

- As for relatives and friends who might have reservations about spending holidays with your co-parent, appeal to them to be understanding of your wishes and family situation, and let them opt out if need be.

Should you find yourself alone and missing your children for the holidays, perhaps even in blame of your co-parent, take some deep breaths and know that there is an opportunity in your discomfort. Know that you can overcome your blues.

Recently I decided to stay home and work on Christmas Eve and join my son and his dad at dad's parents' house, a four hour journey away, on Christmas Day instead.

Chistmas Eve in my homeland, Denmark, is a happy celebration. We trim the Christmas tree, dine for hours, play games, sing, dance around the tree, and open gifts. Like all my other Christmas Eve's in the US, I had forgotten how homesick I tend to get on that very special day.

As I was seeing my son off, who was all excited to go to Grammy and Grampy's, his dad asked me with a concerned look on his face, "Are you sure you don't want to come down today? Will you be ok?" I responded, "Thank you. I'll be fine. I am going to get a lot of work done and the dogs need me. See you tomorrow."

When I entered our cozy little cabin I was hit with an energy of emptiness. I tried to brush it off and sat down at the computer to get to work. Immediately I got back up and grabbed the phone to check in on my family in Denmark. I must have interrupted their dinner and dance-around-the-tree half a dozen times. I called a couple of friends, one of them as far away as New Zealand, stared at my computer screen, and took the dogs on a miserable walk. Finally I listened to the radio broadcast of my son's Christmas concert with the Symphony Orchestra Children's Chorus, which sent me into hours of sobbing... I missed my baby and my family, I felt lonely, and I was squirming  with guilt for being such a wimp and for not getting any work done. I tried to work through my discomfort with various methods of meditation but felt no release until evening, when I finally surrendered to my emotions. To missing my son, to the loneliness, the guilt, and the homesickness. I accepted and embraced it all and very quickly sank into a serene state of blissful Peace. I went to bed, had sweet dreams, and left for Grammy and Grampy's the next morning. Christmas Eve actually did turn into a Silent and Holy night for me.

These are my learnings from this experience and from years past, before my son's dad and I realized that we didn't have to spend holidays apart:

- Make it your special day. If you set goals, be ok with not meeting them.

- If you get invited to a friend's or family member's home, make sure not to commit and that they will understand if you end up deciding to stay home. (There is nothing worse than sitting at a friend's dinner table with tears in your eyes, feeling inadequate because, in your distress, you overcooked the dish you promised to bring). You may just want to be alone.

- Line up some friends to call, but be selective, and understand that your friends may offer a good ear and shoulder, but they cannot help you overcome your grief.

- If you feel anger towards your co-parent, I invite you to look at it and assess the reality of it. Embrace your anger, let it find its place and watch as it settles down.

- Know that you are perfect, that there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing needs fixing.

- Don't try to shoo your painful emotions away. They are perfectly instinctual, natural and real. Instead, allow yourself to fully surrender to them, accept and embrace them as lovingly as you would your children. Observe your beautiful shift from Pain to Peace and celebrate. You will end up with a warm memory.

I wish you a blissful holiday - with or without your children.

<![CDATA[Choose Your Support Wisely]]>Sun, 18 Jul 2010 05:44:33 GMThttp://www.yourguidetopeace.com/blog1/choose-your-support-wisely~ Holding you close,
my heart whispered to yours,
"I'll help you thru this.
I am with you.
You are not alone. ~

- Terri St. Cloud
The Little Mermaid

Are you Facing, Experiencing, or Recovering from Break-up, Divorce, Loss, or Other Life-Changing Events?

You don't have to go it alone, but do choose your support wisely.

As the communal creatures we humans are, we are needy of each other, of support, compassion, love and companionship.  Especially when going through tough times, facing painful change, in conflict, in the process of divorce, or experiencing significant loss, we tend to feel scared and oh so alone.

Reaching out for support is a natural reaction to life-changing events.

And it is just as natural a reaction, when someone we care about reaches out to us, to want to protect that dear person and make him or her feel better.

The protection, however, unless you are in imminent danger, can prove to simply add fuel to the fire, and in a desperate attempt to make you feel better or "fix" your situation with unsolicited advice and suggestions, your support person may end up telling you all the "wrong" things, only to render you feeling even more scared and alone.

When you are in a situation of loss due to conflict, break-up or bereavement you need an ear, a person to whom to vent, a shoulder on which to cry.  But have you noticed how you end up with a bad taste in your mouth feeling even more victimized and adversarial when your support person jumps into the soup with you and starts criticizing, or even worse - defending - your adversary or soon-to-be ex-spouse?

When my son's dad and I were enmeshed in child custody litigation, being fairly new to my local community, I had only a couple of confidants.  My family are all in Denmark, so... no physical hugs from them.  However, to my good fortune, my few friends did have compassionate hearts, broad shoulders and neutral ears.  Such friends and family members are scarce.  And the thought of outstaying your welcome with them can be so terrifying that oftentimes you would rather keep your sorrow, fear and anger to yourself.

Next time you confide in someone, try and notice how your body responds to their reaction.  I know I have chosen the right support when I feel expansion and warmth in my heart area.  On the other hand, when I feel tension in my solar plexus, my upper chest and throat, I know I am barking up the wrong tree, and unless I want to feel even more victimized and stuck in my story, I had better change the subject quickly.

Where in your body do you feel the warning signs?  Do you allow yourself to feel people's compassion as the pure heart-to-heart connection it is?

It is a rare feeling, as people's compassion is often clouded by their individual filters, personal projection, their need to protect themselves, and their conditioning and beliefs.

In former times, communities had elders, who, with their life wisdom and medicine, could give people that non-judgmental, loving compassion and support.  Our modern-time elders seem to have been bereaved of that honor, often living in isolated communities or preoccupied with defeating age.

It is the lack of those elders committed to peace, resolution and harmony within communities that makes mediation and life coaching such increasingly sought after services in our culture today.

Who is your elder?  To whom do you go for that committed, unconditional, non-judgmental support?

Remember... You don't have to got it alone, but do choose your support wisely.